Sexy Trees

'Tis that time of the year again - the trees are having sex. It's just terrible isn't it! I mean, to think that they just go for it out in the open in broad daylight with no consideration for those innocent bystanders who happen to be in the vicinity. Shagging in public like that! It's shameful! Appauling! And to think that some of those supposedly 'innocent bystanders' actually go out purposely to perve at the public display of pornography, and even bring alcohol to consume during the event. Unbelieveable. Well you won't catch me out there making a fool of myself. No sir - I at least have the decency to download my high-res entertainment in the privacy of my own home and when no one is around.

Well, I lie. I was dragged out to the local park by my defacto wife last Friday to pay homage to the floral porn stars that go by the stagename 'Cherry Blossom'. Being a weekday, we had our choice of seating. Aside from a slightly Nippy breeze, we enjoyed fine weather whilst happily munching on savoury treats. Yasumi delved into a mixed platter of raw fish and I gorged myself on a meaty pole of fried chicken. The shagging of the trees was actually a very quiet event - you could barely hear them at all. In fact, it was so quiet you could hardly tell it was happening. The evidence of course was in the gratuitous display of pink bits.

So, after enjoying a relaxing lunch, we cruised around the park on our bikes. We did the routine stop at the doggy pen and spent 20 minutes avoiding dog saliva and shit (yes, believe it or not, dogs are not allowed to go unleashed in the greater area of the park and so a special fenced area has been provided for the purpose of unleashment). Boring for me as the only dogs I like are Italian Greyhounds (and Molly) and none were present. We then decided to do a lap around the baseball fields and then cruise home.

Cornering the farthest field, I noticed with my keen eye (not my lazy eye) that some kind of event was taking place on the baseball pitch. I saw several cameras and video equipment and I motioned to Yasumi to stop and have a gander. It looked like some kind of baseball event with a few foreigners about dressed up in baseball garb. Suddenly appeared Katori Shingo from SMAP (for those ignorant among you, SMAP is the most celebrated, most famous, most televised, most vocally-challenged boy band in Japan. It's a fair bet that at least one memeber of SMAP has appeared on TV at least once a day, everyday for the past ten years). Some other famous comedians were present too which added to the excitement.

In all of this hoo-ha, I was thinking about what I could say to Shingo to catch his attention. One thing that Shingo is known for is his over-zealous desire to dress up in women's clothing. I personally have seen him in about five different female outfits on TV. Not only that but he is over 30 and has never been reported to have a girlfriend. I thought about shouting out "Kanojo inai kai?" (Where's your girlfriend?), "Homo kai?" (Are you gay?). Then I thought better of it. I mean, I have nothing against poo-punching personally, I just wanted to be naughty. After all, I too underwent the scourge of public scrutiny in times of chicklessness (mostly from my mother). I too know the sting of the point of the gay finger.

And so ended our sexy day at the park.